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Kristi (kingskid), Undiagnosed Bio

May 14, 2026

MaryO Undiagnosed , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Hi my name is Kristi and I’m seeking any help or advice on Cushings.

I had always been active growing up into sports, running, weight lifting and horseback riding.

27 Yrs ago I gave birth to a beautiful healthy daughter. I was a size 10 and had only gained 25 LBS during prignancy.  Less then a year later I was carrying my second daughter.  I had no appetite and could barely eat but was gaining 10 pds every other day.  My blood pressure soared and I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia.  I have been sick ever since I gave birth.

In the past 20yrs I have put on over 150 lbs and I can’t get it off.  I was told I had a fatty liver and my cholesterol and triglicerites are off the chart.  I began having memory trouble even forgetting my daughters name, hair loss, blurred vision (even typing this is slow going so forgive any mistakes) I started falling, loosing bladder and bowel control, walk into walls, tables and door frames/   I’ve had bouts of blndness and layered viion (Multiple Sclerosis has been ruled out) chronic body and nerve pain, horrible mood swings from happy, depressed, anger, intolerance (it’s like a daily rollar coaster ride) SEVERE salt cravings, low body temp, heaviness in legs, bruising, infections, trouble healing, brain lesions., trouble sleeping.  Get cyst on my breast, head, ears and pubic area.  Have little hard bumps on pubic area that never go away.  No sex drive left for husband and even when we are active it’s very painful..  Major swelling in face, neck, legs and feet, backaches, headaches.  When I stand up I feel like I get a head rush or lightheaded and I flap my arms to stay up or I fall back into bed or chair.  I sweat even in winter.  I do have the buffalo hump, the stretch marks, the moon face, brain lesions and the discolored skin under breast,  behind neck and arm pits.

Dec. 6th I had a carbuncle which had develped staff and mrsa removed from my armpit.  My whole armpit had to be removed and a couple weeks later I developed an abcess and had to go back to surgery.  It has been 5 months and I still can’t heal.  Have been packing the wound every day and seeing the surgeon every 2 wks.  Now I have a carbuncle on the other side and I’m facing more painful surgery after this side heals.

Today I recieved a call that the urine test I took for cushings came back with normal levels.  Needless to say I sat down and sobbed.  I am 46 yrs old and I have been sick for half my life.  I have seen so may doctors, been through so many surgeries and painful testings.  I have been told over and over that there is something wrong but the Doctors can’t find it.  I thought cushings was the answer and that I could finally get treatment and get better.  I look in the mirror and I don’t recogize this person I see….How will I start over again on this long search for answers?  Where will I get the strength?

Jarryd (Medboy), Pituitary Bio

May 13, 2026

MaryO Male, Pituitary , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 7 Comments

I’m a 19 year old male student with Cushing’s syndrome. Basically had accelerated weight gain since late 2011, despite frequent exercise and heavy dieting.

Started to feel a lot more irritable and tired, lost strength at the gym, developed big unsightly purple stretch marks across my abdomen

Initially my doctor just told me that I was getting fat and should do more cardio/eat less. She even commented on how it showed quickly in my face (mild moon facies)

It was entirely reasonable for her to think this, but when the stretch marks didn’t fade as they normally would i did a google search and returned.

Urine test, blood ACTH and cortisol test, repeat urine test. Soon I was sent to an endocrinologist who confirmed Cushing’s syndrome.

I just had an MRI of my pituitary after the ACTH signs pointed to a pituitary source. The Endocrinologist said it appeared to have a 3mm lesion, but it was not 100% conclusive so I am to undergo petrosal sinus sampling for confirmation within the month. Hopefully that will confirm the adenoma with surgery ideally soon after that.

I’m happy to have got it reasonably early; most of my symptoms are still relatively mild, but it really does make you put other things on hold until you can fix it, which means i’m sort of stuck in a lull until its all fixed. I would appreciate any advice for things to do in the mean time to help me feel like i’m doing something positive rather than just waiting.

Location of the pituitary gland in the human brain

Location of the pituitary gland in the human brain (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Grace (Grace), Undiagnosed Bio

May 12, 2026

MaryO Undiagnosed , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Hi Everyone

I suspect I may have cushing’s syndrome or disease but all I know for sure is I’m sick, I don’t know what’s wrong with me……..and I want to get better.

I just turned 25 in March but looking back i think i’ve been showing symptoms for the last 13 years.

At the age of 13 over the school holidays I gained a bunch of weight (14 kg in a month and a half) and since then my weight just keeps climbing up. I also became lethargic, depressed, unmmotivated, struggled with my concentration and continue to do so. The  stretch marks followed the weight gain.  I definitely have a really round face, which I guess could be moon face. My face gets really red and flushed. I have very little body hair but its quite strange that i have hair growth on the lower part of my fingers and toes. I have a significant amount of foot pain especially when I get up in the mornings. I have lower back pain too. I wouldn’t say my periods are highly  irregular but they are often off from my usual 28 day cycle by about 5 to 14 days. This is becoming a more frequent occurrence.  My skin is really thin, soft and doesn’t heal well. Small cuts and bruises take longer than usual to heal and almost always leave scars. I feel hungry and tired all the time.

The depression and fatigue is by far the most debilitating of all the symptoms I have suffered from. My grades in school and later on University have steadily dropped since the age of 13. I find it really hard to concentrate. It was only when I began failing in uni that my parents finally allowed me to see a doctor who was a psychiatrist in 2009.

I had an abnormal EEG showing evidence of seizures. The evidence was not sufficient enough to diagnose me with epilepsy but he called it seizure equivalent depressson. I was then put on heavy rounds of anti-depressants and anti-convulsants which kept on being adjusted. Different dosages and combinations would work for awhile then stop so that meant  more combinations, stronger drugs and higher dosages. To cut a long story short I finally quit the meds in Dec 2011 and began to see a new psychiatrist in May 2012 who ordered blood tests, a thyroid test, sleep-deprived EEG and an MRI.

My blood sugar and cholestrol is normal but heading towards the high range which worries me but not suprising given that I’m obese. The EEG again showed slight evidence of seizures but when I was referred to a neurologist he said I show no evidence of seizures and that normal people have abnormal EEGs all the time(?????) This is despite a history of epilepsy on my Dad’s side of the family. What about non-convulsive seizures-could this explain the lack of poor concentration?

The MRI came out normal, only showed that I  suffer from chronic sinusitis. But then again it wasn’t done by a specialist in the diagnosis of pituitary tumours and they most definitely were not looking for one so if there is a microadenoma, its flown under the radar. The blood tests showed I have a low white blood cell count (neutrophils and monocytes). My cortisol level was normal but then again it wasn’t a 24-hour cortisol test.

From my own research I found that chronic sinusitis could be linked to the depression but my Psychiatrist seemed to be unwilling to explore these leads any further and advised me to stop researching so much online. At the same time he put me a new round of anti-depressants and anti-convulsants which left me feeling weak, tired and drained. For the first two weeks I slept all day and could barely get out of bed. I quit these too in September 2012 and since them haven’t seen any doctors but symptoms remain and its a struggle to live with them every day.

I am still financially dependent on my parents who are tired of my constant “depression” which they feel is an attitude problem so I don’t even speak about it with them any more. They feel I should just try harder. I hope to graduate from  Uni this year but due to my health problems I’m  3 years behind and my grades have suffered. I have health insurance which makes it very difficult to get referrals to specialists and they hardly covers pre-exisitng conditions. All treatment described above was paid for by my parents and not health insurance. They are retired now and don’t want to spend a ton of money they don’t necessarily have, looking for a phantom condition. I understand their point  of view but I feel if I had a child I would do all I could to help them get better.

The more time that passes the more difficult it becomes and the more paralysed I feel. I have a part time internship at a law firm that is even becoming too much now. I can barely study. I’ve lost almost all my friends either because I isolate myself or am too tired and depressed to be there for them like a good friend should.

As of March 2013 I went to see a gynacologist about my irregular periods he ordered another thyroid test, prolactin test and a Pelvic scan so i’ll see how that goes….maybe its PCOS.

Anyway I have no one to talk to . I don’t know what to do next. I wonder if anyone else has been/is in a similar position.

Thanks for listening

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Becky (Becky), Pituitary Bio

May 11, 2026

MaryO Pituitary, Pituitary Surgery, Treatments , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Hi I’m Becky a 34 year old wife, mother of twins and teacher.

I’m having surgery to remove a pituitary tumor this week and am told it will really help to alleviate the Cushings symptoms I’ve had for years!!  I wish I had had this diagnosis sooner but I know I’m lucky to have it now as I had planned on bariatric surgery as my last hope.

The opening in a GE Signa MRI machine

The opening in a GE Signa MRI machine (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When the headaches became too much to handle and my face went numb I was given an MRI and now I know the truth.

I’m new to this, scared yet hopeful.  I’m determined to get control over this but still, this is hard for me.

Related articles

Gina M, Ectopic Bio

May 9, 2026

MaryO Addison's Disease, Adrenal, Adrenal Surgery, Ectopic, Pituitary Surgery, Thyroid, Treatments , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

I was diagnosed with Cushing Syndrome in June 1999.  At that time my urine cotisol level was 342.

Prior to being diagnosed I suffered for over 7 years with severe migraine headaches. I also had gained 80 lbs, had a moon face, buffalo hump, mood swings, severe fatigue (could sleep 20 out of 24 hours a day), aweful sweats day and night, weak muscles, thyroid disease.

I had pituitary surgery at Mass General because my state didn’t do that type of surgery.  After surgery, my levels were still elevated and I was diagnosed with diabetes insipidus.

When I returned home I underwent more tests ie. blood work, 24 hour urines. This continued for another year and during that time my endo put me on Ketakonazal in an attempt to lower my cotisol level to no avail. The medication just messed up my stomache.

In 2000 I had surgery again this time I had both adrenal glands removed. still no tumor had been found. That’s when the worst news of all came. I was told I had Ectopic Cushings Syndrome and had 5 years to live. The reason for this if you my not know is 50% of ectopic tumors end up being small cell lung cancer.

I was also diagnosed with Addison’s disease because of no more adrenals. Today it has been 13 years since my adrenal surgery and I am still alive and no cancer!

Voices From the Past: Erin, Undiagnosed Bio

May 9, 2026

MaryO PCOS , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Hi. My name is Erin and I’m 28 years old. The first time I ever heard of Cushing’s was a couple weeks ago while doing a search for hormonal imbalance. I’ll explain why later. I am currently doing a 24 hour urine cortisol test, and thought that in between peeing in the large container, I’d share what little story I have.ufc

I have always been a normal weight and healthy, well, up until about 5 years ago. I mean, obesity was NEVER a word that had to be used to describe my weight. I’m 5’8″ and lingered around 140 lbs my entire life. I was quite the drinker, too. I started gaining weight when I was about 22 or 23, and started taking Adderol to get the weight down, and it worked like a charm. (I am currently a recovering alcoholic and have been in recovery for over a year now.)

When I started trying to get sober, I noticed little things, but mainly the weight gain. I have always had larger hips and thighs and a smaller waist, so when I began to look 6 months pregnant, I thought it was odd (and embarrasing). I have bruised very easy every since I was a teenager, but in the past few years the bruises come easier and are quite large. My acne will just not quit, and I started sprouting these thick hairs on my face, chest, and abdomen. My face has ballooned out like a pumpkin, and I don’t hardly recognize myself anymore.

In May 2012 I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. During the pregnancy I started getting these purple stretch marks all over my thighs and hips, and since I had neve been pregnant before, decided this was normal. Before then I was having trouble getting pregnant, but just chalked it up to bad timing. After the miscarriage, I noticed my menstrual cycles were different. They had shortened from 26-27 days to 22 days, and just didn’t seem right. I started seeing my gynecologist every month, but kept getting dismissed because it hadn’t been a full year since the loss, and my hormones were probably still imbalanced. I did get them to test for PCOS, and everything came back normal, including an ultrasound, which just made me seem crazy.  I switched gyns and eventually had a hormonal blood test, which revealed very low estrogen and progesterone, and I was referred to a fertility specialist. Another blood test there revealed my ovaries are not responding very well and not secreating enough of the AMH hormone.

About a month and a half ago I decided to battle the bulge, and joined a gym and changed my diet. After 2 weeks of cardio and strenth training almost every day, I hadn’t lost a pound. Then at week 3, I finally noticed a 2 pound weight loss, but that’s when the knee pain started. For no reason at all, my knees became VERY sore, swollen, and were bruising from the inside of the joint. I saw an orthopedic who couldn’t find any evidence of injury, gave me a cortisone shot in each knee, and sent me on my way. I should also mention that a week before that I had a cortisone injection in my back for a herniated disc that was causing sciatic nerve pain.

A few days after the last set of injections in my knees, I started feeling very ill and run down. I had also just missed a period for the first time in my reproductive history, and after a negative blood pregnancy test, was told my hormones were too low for my period to start on its own. I thought I was feeling under the weather because of the missed period, so that’s when I started looking up hormonal imbalances online. When I came across the word Cushing’s, I couldn’t stop reading about it. I thought, oh my god, these people are me! They look like me! Thinking back over the years, all of these individual symptoms could be explained away due to stress, inactivity, lifestyle change, etc. But collectively, I started to see the bigger picture.

So, I am currently testing with my PCP. I am selfishly hoping that I get a quick diagnosis, or if it isn’t Cushing’s, that they find some other reason for all of these symptoms. But from what I’ve read this is going to be a long process.

Renee (Renee), Pituitary Bio

May 8, 2026

MaryO Pituitary, Pituitary Surgery, pseudotumor cerebri, Rathke's Cleft Cyst, Treatments , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

pituitary-location

I am really not sure where to start! I have struggled with medical issues my entire life. I am 25 born with many anomalies–bladder, cleft lip/cleft palate, dilated aorta, hydronephrosis…the list really goes on and on. Thankfully, I have had great doctors and everything is under control until recently.

I had my first appointment with my new endocrinologist. She listened to my history that I highlighted for her and she actually took the time to *think* about me and all of my little medical issues. It was great to see her brain trying to piece things together. When she was doing my exam, she gently touched my shoulders and made a comment that my shoulders were holding a lot of weight. I said that I’ve noticed and that it makes me feel that I look like a football player. She told me that it isn’t that bad, but then asked me if I have stretch marks on my body. I told her that I do and that I’ve actually noticed that they are getting worse and deeper than usual. She looked at my belly and she said that she wants to get my checked for Cushings Syndrome.

She asked if I was on any steroids, and I am not, but I did have a pituitary cyst in 2008 that was surgically drained (specifically a Rathke’s Cleft Cyst). From what I’ve learned, whenever a doctor works near the pituitary there is a risk that hormones will be effected. This may be what is happening to me.

Last April 2012, I was also diagnosed with a pseudotumor cerebri. It is basically under control and I am on Diamox for it. These are my symptoms for why I really think I have cushings:

» Extreme weight gain

» Moodiness, irritability, or depression

» Muscle weakness– my leg muscles get tired very easily, even just walking a few blocks. It feels like I have shin splints, at times!

» Hypertension–possibly, but undetected because  of I am on meds for other heart anomalies.

» Immune suppression– a possible reason why I got pertussis (whooping cough) during the end of 2012 even after being given the vaccine

» Hirsutism–embarassing, but true

» Hypercholesterolemia–to the point that I am on a medication for it

» stretch marks

» “moon face”–it isn’t too bad, but it is noticable.

» the storage of fat on my shoulders/back

Today I got my blood tested with the dexamethasone. I don’t know how long I have to wait for results, but I am really fighting urges to call my MD immediately. I found this board because I need support. I am nervous for what my future holds because I really don’t want to have ANOTHER brain surgery, but I think all that I can do it be positive and wait. Thanks for this forum!!

Genevieve (JenNYC), Undiagnosed Bio

May 8, 2026

MaryO Undiagnosed , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

to-do-diagnosis

 

I have many Cushings symptoms. I developed severe, often incapacitating IBS nearly 12 years ago and believed I had Crohn’s or Celiac Disease. All tests came back negative.

Around 5 years ago my symptoms got worse, and my normally thin to average weight shot up, despite normal diet and exercise. I became depressed, anxious, and had painful joints and flu-like symptoms. I also had irregular periods and skin problems (dry skin/eczema, acne, frequent brusing and skin infections and bug bites that never healed). My blood pressure at times was high and other times normal, my face would flush, and I had kidney infections and kidney stones.  My hair started to thin. The worst part was the weight gain- all in the face and stomach area; although my arms and legs were thin by stomach was bloated and very heavy.

I was told by several doctors to excerise and diet and have– nothing works. I had blood tests done and they found low ferritin, very low iron/Vitamin B/Vitamin D, alternating high and low blood pressure & thyroid. I was diagnosed with anxiety or fibromyaligia, depending what doctor I went to. I was told I did not have IBS, although I have diarrhea almsot daily.

I also have low muscle tone, poor energy, insomnia, chronic fatigue during the day, and wake up in night sweats.

The one test that was finally ordered for high cortisol (24 hour urine test) came back ‘normal’ range– so either it was a fluke or I really am crazy.

I don’t know what to do. Doctors, family and friends, tell me “just diet and exercise”–thinking weight gain is just a willpower issue– but what about all these other symptoms? I feel like I have flu every da y and miserable. My joints ache severly and although I have been working out, calorie counting, and doing Weight Watchers, and (alternately raw vegan and liquid diets) for months I don’t lose any weight and look 7 months pregnant.

I need advice.

Lavane V (lvowell), Pituitary Bio

May 8, 2026

MaryO Pituitary, Pituitary Surgery, Treatments , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

The pituitary gland

The pituitary gland

I was diagnosed with Cushing’s Disease in September 2012.  I started my search for a diagnosis back in March.

So here is how my story goes… in January of 2012, I decided that i was going to change my diet and exercise.  I had weight to lose from a previous pregnancy.  I began working with a nutrionist and personal trainer.  I spent a lot of time working out and logging everything that went into my mouth.  I even tracked my water intake. It became very obvious that for a hard as I was working that something was wrong.  i was gaining weight instead of losing.  I was also feeling very run down.  I had also started noticing that I did not have very many patience for much of anything and I felt very uptight about silly stuff.  I decided to go have my hormones checked.

At first the doctor told me that I was extremely deficiet on vitamin D and needed to drink a lot more water.  He said we need to run more tests.  He did a salivary test and some bloodwork to check my corisol levels.  On my follow up with him he said that i had very high cortisol levels and wanted to run more test.  He then went on vacation for a few weeks.  I was unable to get answers from his nurse and then he was so behind when he came back that i could never get an appointment.

I started researching on the interenet about high cortisol levels.  Everything that I was reading sounded like me.  Weight gain (i had gained 100 lb), exhaustion, stretch marks, blurred vision, high blood pressure, water retention, etc.  I found another endocrinologist and made an appointment.  I told him all my symptoms and what I felt was wrong with me.  He asked me what i wanted him to do.  I suggested some of the tests that  I had read about because I thought i might have cushings and he said, “ok, let’s get started but, cushings is very rare and I doubt that is what is going on”.

After running blood work, 24 urine test, plus many more test, he told me that I had Cushing’s Syndrome.  He indicated that this was very rare and that he had not seen but one case before.  He ordered an MRI.  The radiologist that read my MRI said that he did not see a tumor.  However, he did say that he saw “sinus disease”.  Now I have never hear of that so i questioned it.  I was told that I would need to go to a ENT doctor for learn more about that.

The endo doc wanted to proceed with the IPSS test.  I keep studying on the interenet about the disease and all the testing.  I even watched a few pituitary surgeries.  I just felt like I need to know everything possible besides, I could not sleep so this was a great way to spend hours.   I also kept reading all that I could on this site as well. I met with a local neurosurgeon and he scheduled the IPSS test.  I asked him about how we would proceed if my test results showed positive for a pit tumor. I was basically told since no tumor was seen in my MRI that the IPSS test would help them to decided which side of my pit they would take.  I was totally not comfortable with just losing part of my master gland.  I kept my scheduled test but started to research experts in cushing’s.  Then I researched which were covered by my insurance.

In the meantime, I kept the appointment for the IPSS since I didnt want to lose any time.  I checked into the hospital and got prepped for my test only to have the doctor come in to tell me that we would not be doing the procedure because the company that made the medications used for testing no longer was making the mediation.  Now then, how do you not know this before you prep someone for the procedure?!?!  I told the doctor that there were other hospital that were treating cushing patients and were performing this test.  I had been reading about them on the boards.  He told me that there was not anyone in the US that had the meds.  That was when I really knew that I was going to have to leave my state to get treatment.

I called my endo and explained what had happend and asked for a referral to MD Anderson in Houston, TX.  I also went online and did a self referral.  I just kept following up with them.  They have a pituitary tumor board that reviews cases.  My case was approved and I had my first appointment in Sept 2011.  I spent on day running tests, having an MRI and meeting with the a new endo.

Within 48 hours, he confirmed that I did have cushing’s disease and showed me the tumor on my pituitary.  In November 2011, I underwent transphenoidal pit surgery.  An 8mm tumor was removed.  There was some concern because the tumor was right up against my cavernous sinus cavity.  This is where your carotid artery is and the surgeon did not want to get close to this artery.

Unfortunalely, I did not experince a “crash” after surgery.  My levels did indicate they were in the normal range so the doctors sent me home with a perscription of hydrocortisone.

English: Cavernous sinus

English: Cavernous sinus (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

for me.  He is going to confer with my endocrinologist and then I will go from there.

Marian U (MaidM), Adrenal Bio

May 8, 2026

MaryO Adrenal, Adrenal Surgery, Treatments , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

HI!

I had Cushings symptoms for about 20 years (I am 43) before I finally had surgery at NIH on August 29, 2012.  Before 2 years ago, I had never even heard of Cushings.  Without the aid of a very perseptive medical accupuncturist, I would probably still be suffering today.   Perhaps, if I had heard about it sooner, I wouldn’t have suffered for so many years.  My goal is to help as many people as possible in battling this devastating disease.

I am so happy that I have a new chance at a real life! Feel free to contract me.  Below is a piece I wrote before surgery and my stats.

🙂 Marian

————————————-

My Experience with Cushing’s Syndrome

The changes came about gradually.  So gradually, that it is very difficult to pin-point exactly when the overall change became larger than the sum of individual changes and thus was something that was difficult to ignore. For my whole life, I was “Marian” and then one day, I was someone else.  I had become someone unrecognizable: the “Not Marian.”

One of my favorite books, “The Tipping Point,” by Malcolm Gladwell, expands on the premise that little changes make a huge difference.  Individually, the changes I experienced were easily explained.  I was tired. I had nighttime hot flashes.  I gained weight. I was moody and forgetful.  My sight was blurry.  I often typed or said the wrong word. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t remove my rings without soaping up my finger first.  One day, I forgot how to roll down my car windows.  I experienced moments of panic where I was driving and couldn’t remember what road I was on or where I was going. When I mentioned any or all of these symptoms in a group of women over forty, I heard a cavalcade of similar stories, usually expanding into an animated discussion centering on menopause and aging.

I also noticed that I stopped getting compliments.  People, except my amazingly supportive husband, just didn’t say that I looked nice or pretty anymore.  I tried not to be vain; I thought that I probably had just reached the point where I aged enough that I no longer was going to get the attention that I used to get.  I had “hit” the proverbial “wall.”

It is easy to look in a mirror and only see a stylized version of yourself.  But, photos are more precise.  For some time, I had noticed something “off” in the photos that were sometimes posted of me on-line.   They just didn’t look like me anymore.  I untagged myself and brushed them off as bad photos with only the vague realization that the “Marian” I thought I was, was no longer me.

My epiphany came in the form of the photos on my work identification cards, taken about three years apart.  Not only do I look like I have aged about ten years — I also look completely different.  My face is much fuller, my features are distorted, my eyes are sunken, my hair is stringy, and my skin is sallow.  I look like a bad photo copy of my former self.

Now, I realize that how I look is a small part of who I am as a person.  However, it is also the part of me that everyone sees first.  I remember being in the dressing room at Target and catching a glimpse of the “Not Marian” in the mirror.  I was astonished at my reflection and cried.

A friend suggested that I just realize that this “Not Marian” is who I am now.  I don’t think that this bad advice; it is just advice that is easy to say, but difficult to follow.  I often compare my sense of futility regarding my desperate attempts to become “Marian” again to Hercules’s labor of cleaning the Aegean Stables.  I exercised four or so times a week.  I went to a diet doctor.  I ate under 1200 calories a day.  I bought new clothes.  I got my nails done.  Despite these efforts, I only saw minor improvements in the way I looked and felt.  I still felt as though I was always wearing a rubber suit over my skin that covered my former self.

In many ways, the diagnosis of Cushing Syndrome was a relief.  Finally, there was an explanation for the way that I felt and, though serious, Cushing’s is generally a completely curable disease.   But, knowing I have Cushing’s presents another problem, when is it appropriate to tell peop

My initial inclination was to tell everyone.   I wanted to explain the difference between the “Marian” you remember and the “Not Marian” that you see now is a result of this rare disease I have.   “It’s not really me!  It’s the Cushing’s.”  I tried it a couple of times with mixed results.

Mostly, people said that they had not noticed a significant change in the way I looked or behaved.  My closer friends were more tolerant, expressed concern, and asked questions.  The reality is that nothing (except maybe vacation recaps) is more uninteresting in light conversation than talking about illnesses and ailments.  And though it was significant to me, the changes were not readily observable.  So, I will try not to talk about it.

I know that my upcoming surgery is not a panacea, though it is nearly impossible not to view it as such.  I have scrolled through hundreds of websites and blogs looking at photos and reading synopses of people before and after treatment.  I have connected with someone who was successfully treated for a Cushing’s syndrome through Cushing’s Support and Research Foundation.  Ultimately, my hope is that the loss of me is only temporary and that through successful treatment of the disease; I can begin to feel like “Marian” again.

STATS

July 2010: MRI at Kaiser showing a pituitary adenoma. High 24 Hour cortisol. Low DHEA.  Low ACTH. Referred to NIH.

Late July 2010:  CT at Kaiser showed “suspicious” tumor on left adrenal. (High HU, e.g. cancer)

Sep 2010: NIH testing.

Nov 2010:  NIH re-read the results of CT and MRI. NO pituitary adenoma and BENIGN tumor on left adrenal.

Dec 2010 – April 2011:  Unable to replicate high cortisol test at NIH. Diagnosed as pseudo Cushings due to stress. Yearly follow up recommended.

April 2012:  Follow up testing at NIH.  Cortisol is high.  CT of adrenal tumor is stable.

June 2012.  Second cortisol at NIH is high.  Diagnosis cyclical Cushings.  Will not operate.  Note that I do not look like clinical Cushings, so that was part of the problem.

July 2012: Bone density loss of 25% in three years confirmed through Kaiser.  I happened to luckily have had a previous bone scan so that they could compare.  The current bone density scan wouldn’t have been enough because I didn’t have osteoporosis yet.

Aug 6, 2012: Referred for surgery on Aug 27.

Aug 26, 2012: Enter NIH.  Surgery postponed but I can’t leave because of the testing!

Aug 29, 2012.  Surgery!  The surgery itself was easy.

Sep 2, 2012:  Left NIH

Returned to work half days Sept 4 and full time Sep 10.

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